October 28, 2024

The Social Dilemma (2020)

The Social Dilemma, shown on Netflix, claims to be one of the most life-changing documentaries.

Ten minutes into the film, I stopped watching. I couldn’t see where it was going.

But I did skip to the end part, where it says, "How do you get out of the Matrix if you don’t know that you’re in the Matrix?"

I don’t think I’m in the Matrix. At least no one is pointing a gun at me, forcing me to check my phone every minute. I do it willingly.

It’s more of an addiction. Yes, they did a great job attracting users, but it still comes back to our own choices.  Just like addictions to shopping, traveling, alcohol, smoking, etc.—too much of anything is never a good thing.

October 23, 2024

Melaka River Cruise 2024

This was my second time taking the river cruise in Melaka, and it brought back memories of my first ride back in 2014. I have to say, the experience this time around was much more enjoyable, and I noticed quite a few improvements. Back in 2014, while I appreciated the sights, the water had a bit of an unpleasant smell that took away from the overall experience. This time, there was no foul smell. I’m guessing the heavy rains in the past few days helped clear things up, but whatever the reason, it made the ride much more pleasant.

Another noticeable difference was how vibrant and colorful the surroundings felt. The riverbanks seemed better maintained, and the lights and decorations along the route really added a lively charm to the whole trip. The cruise gave me a different perspective of Melaka’s beauty, blending its rich heritage with modern enhancements.

If you're planning a trip to Melaka, I would definitely recommend making time for the river cruise. It's a must-try activity, whether it's your first visit or even a return trip like mine. There's something special about seeing the city from the water, and it offers a unique way to take in the sights and history. Plus, it’s always nice to see how a city evolves, and this cruise has certainly become a highlight worth experiencing!

October 2, 2024

Midlife Crisis

Midlife Crisis Hit Me Hard.

Lately, I’ve been feeling the weight of midlife hit me harder than I ever expected. It’s as if everything that was once manageable has started to unravel all at once. Between a demanding job that feels more draining than rewarding, my declining health, and the responsibility of caring for my aging parents, even the smallest things are beginning to feel like heavy burdens.

This year marks a big change in my family—my eldest son is leaving for college. While I’m immensely proud of him, I can’t help but feel the sting of sudden loneliness. The house feels quieter, emptier. At the same time, I’m battling feelings of guilt, as if by focusing on this transition, I’m neglecting my youngest son. It’s a delicate emotional balancing act that leaves me questioning myself daily.

And then there’s my health. Starting at the end of last year, I’ve found myself visiting the medical center far too often. Frozen shoulder, burn injury, anemia, cysts, influenza, infections—you name it.. I never imagined I’d be spending so much time in hospital at this stage in my life.

Work has become almost unbearable. Maybe it’s the job itself, maybe it’s the boss, or perhaps it’s the toxic office politics. Some days, I dread the thought of walking through those office doors. It’s exhausting trying to figure out what exactly is making me feel this way, but all I know is that it’s draining every ounce of energy I have left.

As for friendships, I’ve always been the type to have a close-knit circle rather than a crowd of acquaintances. Family has always come first for me. Yet lately, I’ve found myself yearning for more friends, more connections, and I don’t understand why. It’s unsettling to suddenly crave something I’ve never really needed before.

Hobbies that once brought me joy now lose it's spark. I used to love shopping, collecting handmade leather handbags—not necessarily well-known designers, but artisanal quality leather pieces are what I go for. Now, I catch myself thinking, “Why buy more? What happens to them if I die?” Why am I thinking so much about death at this stage of life? And I’ve lost interest in reading novels, something that used to transport me to different worlds.

I even tried taking an online Japanese class earlier this year, but I gave up after two months. Maybe it was the teacher’s strict approach, maybe it's the timing, or maybe it’s just me—easily losing interest in things that once seemed exciting.

Nothing really excites me anymore. Except maybe traveling out of the country. But with my sons' different schedules and the demands of my job, planning a trip has become more complicated than ever. It feels like everything that used to bring me joy is slipping through my fingers.

Regret has become a frequent visitor in my mind. I find myself constantly questioning the choices I made in life, wondering “what if” and “why me”.   I know I’m blessed with a loving husband, wonderful kids, supportive sisters, and even relatively good health. I don’t have the typical health issues people my age often face—no diabetes, high blood pressure, or cholesterol problems. And sure, the occasional medical visit is a hassle, but I’m fortunate enough that I don’t have to worry about the cost.

Yet despite all these blessings, I still feel this heavy cloud of confusion and guilt hanging over me. Why do I feel this way when I have so much to be grateful for?

I don’t know where these feelings are coming from, but I’m hopeful that this phase of life will pass soonest.  Until then, I’m holding on, making sure everything seems as normal as it can be.

Even my plant in the office looks sad.